248. Seven months later

In the seven months since last time I wrote something on this page; I have thought about that it would be important, that I could write about how the woman who “influenced” me in 1965, “influenced” me. But in these seven months, it has been more and more clear for me, that it is impossible for me to remember this. I think that is because such an “influence” is done outside a person's possibilities to remember anything about it.

That person in 1965, said to me when we were talking before she started to “influence” me; that she had made “antidote” against what the criminals would do against me. She had prepared herself in a whole year, to be able to do what she should do with me. And she still felt totally fine that day. She told me that it is impossible to remember what has been done against oneself in such a way, where oneself has been “influenced”. I could only trust her. She asked me if I trusted her, and I answered yes. She also said that I should start to find out about how the criminals “influenced” me, in a way others also maybe could be able to do. It can be possible to find out a little, she said.

What I have remembered from the “influence” by the criminals in 1975; are because of what this woman “influenced” me to do when that happened. I should remember how it started, and stop talking so they thought I had fallen asleep. When they thought I had fallen asleep. I should listen to what they said, and I should be taken up with how I could remember where and when this happened.

What has been clear for me during these seven months, is what has happened with me since the summer 1962. In these seven months, I have understood what happened with me early in my life. When I was seven years old in 1962, my life became an incomprehensible emptiness and mental pain. When the woman “influenced” me in 1965, she found out about this, and she put things straight inside me. The empty pain inside me disappeared that evening. But nothing could reveal what had happened; therefore everything had to be as before.

Something I now have remembered from what the woman said to me in 1965, is about a dog I was friends with. This dog lived by my mother's mother and mother's father. The dog and I made friends with each other from the dog was a puppy and I was a child. The dog understood what I said, and listened and did what I said. I always told the dog why. Sometimes it was something it couldn't do, and sometimes it could be free and do what it wanted to. It wasn't necessary to keep the dog on a lead, when it was together with me. The dog and I understood each other, and it always did as I said. I think it is possible to have a common area of understanding between dogs and humans. If I said it should go beside me, it did that in any case. Then I also had said why, for example that it was farm animal nearby.

What I remember from 1965, is that the woman said; that this dog should help me inside myself, in a way I didn’t know what is. I also remember that she said; that I never fail that dog, and that dog never fails me. That is my last and first word to you, here today; she said. “That is what I started with, and that is what I finish with”; she said.

Below it is a picture of the dog in 1974, outside the mountain pasture to the farm where my mother's mother and mother's father lived. We were together with my girlfriend, who I later got married to. I said to the dog; that it should stand there and look at her, and then she will make a fine picture of you; I said. “Afterwards you can go together with her to me again”, I said. And we walked further along the dirt road. Next summer 1975, the dog was dead.

December 15, 2019, David H. Hegg