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217. The deep of the soul

Today I have started to get something up in my thoughts. In some weeks now, I have remembered that she we lived by the five first years of my life, from 1955 to 1960, talked both about Knut Hamsun and Jack London. This was that my father and I visited her one time shortly before she died, some years after that we moved, I was still a child. She had asked us to come. She had asked another person about talking to us about it. She talked also about other authors. Today it came out something in me, about something she talked about regarding Jack London.

She talked about Jack London 1876 – 1916, in connection with that she talked about, that it had happened something with Knut Hamsun. We had got among other things, 10 books by Jack London from her, when we lived there. It is something with him also, she said. She said something about that some thought that there maybe were some who had “influenced” him (she used the correct word which I don’t write). If so, there are some who are doing something like that over there. And if they are doing it there; then they are doing it here also, and many other places. The countries which now only make terrible weapons, are doing something no one earlier had thought that they had wanted to do. Germany before the Nazism, also was a country which no one had believed, that had wanted to do what they did during the Second World War. This is something only a few people now think about in the whole world. But we don’t find out what it is, and we don’t get anybody to listen to us, and we think that is because something has been done with them all. They haven’t done anything against me, and that can be because they don’t want, that I shall get the possibilities to find out something. But, if some are doing such, then it isn’t impossible that they one time will try do something like that with you also. And then you shall get something to know from me, which only you and your father and I know.

If you one time understand that some want to do something like that against you, then you at once it starts, must say inside yourself that they not shall manage to succeed in doing that. And so you have to add, that they shall achieve the opposite of what they want to achieve. Because then it will work, from the very beginning when they start to do something. And so you have to try to manage something inside yourself, when they are doing it. So you one time get some other, who you for sure can trust, to find out more about them who did it against you. Then it is England and USA which is the countries, where it is easiest for you to reach a goal. Then it can be; that some there will listen to you. Because if you know something; then they will care about that. It can be; that it is some, who try to trick them. And them who that are, are then some, who trick all in the world, who are busy with such weapons. And that can be because they want that they one time shall be used in a way no one today understands.

Then this will come to be something, which is so strong inside you, so you that time will get it out in you, as something strong from inside in you. And so you must have inside in you; that they, who are doing something like that, that are Devils, and not the good, but the evil, and you don’t like evil people. You must never let the evil people get power over you, and control what you shall do. Maybe they say that they are God, but that isn’t at all what they are.

Now I have got to do this to you, and that is something I have thought about all the time, since you moved, that I had to do. Because it can happens that some such people will care about you one day. You and I had once much contact with each other, and that will continue to be something strong in you, as long as you live. From now one I maybe only will be one of the stars on the starry sky for you, but that will all the time be a strong star for you. Because I know something about you, which maybe only I understand what is.

This only lasted for a short while. She said that my father had to do the same, if some tried to do it against him, and he should tell his wife about it also. Afterwards we went on talked about different things.

Before I wrote this today, I shortly before had cleaned the windows, and hung up an advent star with light in my window. Now the advent star hangs there and shines against the darkness outside the window, with a reflected image in the shining window. And when I write about that; I feel that I want to cry.

This only came out in this way in me today. It is something which in a way, is far away, and which is difficult to get clearly out in the thoughts. My thoughts have in many years circled around something such, that it is something like this in one way or another. That this person means something important for me, because of that I had contact with her the five first years I lived. She wanted to use her life to work against war.

A text like this; is difficult to get out of one’s head the first time you write it. It is difficult to get the words out of one’s head. This has been like this, when I have tried to write about it.

December 2, 2018, David H. Hegg