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154. In the criminals’ heads

After the previous text, “153. 1962” May 10, I have understood what I think, that is exactly, what caused this catastrophic situation in 1962. When my mother’s mother talked to me, we walked on a little height in the terrain, on a dirt road in the direction of the small cottage, which we were so near that we could see it.

When my mother’s mother said, that I shouldn’t be together with my friend anymore, I became desperate and said that we were very good friends. I wouldn’t do as she said. I also said that his father was so kind. It is as if she answered, that I didn’t understand what his father was. She tried in different ways to persuade me, and became angry, because I didn’t want to do as she said. She talked more, and in stronger ways, about that his father is so dangerous. My friend and I are so good friends, I said. The conversation started in one way or another, to be about that it was his father, who was dangerous. It started to be something about that it was dangerous for my friend to have such a dangerous father, or something else in that way. This can also be because of my thoughts.

It is also; as it seems as natural in a way, and that I also remember this in a way; that I said that my mother had said to me, that I should be kind to him, because he was younger than me. (This can have been my thoughts, or it can have been talk.) Then I don’t remember exactly what my mother’s mother answered. But it was something which was about, that she wouldn’t give in. It can have resulted in something about that it was his father, who was dangerous, and not my friend. It is as she continued, but that I didn’t want to do as she said, and that she even so tried to influence me with talk. It could be, that it resulted in, that if I should have anything to do with my friend, then I had to watch his father and not have anything to do with him. And I can have answered: “Yes, I will not stopping being together with my friend”. My mother’s mother can have answered: “Well, you don’t want that you then”. And I said; no. It is as my mother’s mother said: “And then you most stop saying that his father is so kind, because he isn’t that.” I think that I had started to cry. In the years that followed, I never cried again.

It was because of such talk with my mother’s mother, that I afterwards ran to my friend, and talked as I did. My mother’s mother had got me to think that the father of my friend was dangerous for him. I talked about that it was dangerous for my friend, to be together with his father. That he couldn’t be together with his father, because that was so terrible dangerous for him. I think I had became taken up with that I had to save my friend from his terrible dangerous father. But this is as if I didn’t understand anything about it.

I didn’t understand what this was, my mother’s mother hadn’t wanted to give in, and had continued until she had got me to think something like that. At this stage, I had become more and more extremely desperate and confused.

It also is as if my mother’s mother talked something about; that this was she and I, who talked. That she took away others from this conversation. It is as if she had connected me to her, and disconnected me from my parents and others. But I don’t remember anything exact about that.

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I also remember a little more about the plate with the picture of “The three he‐goats Bruse that should walk to the mountain summer pasture to make themselves fat.” I remember that my mother’s mother said, that she had seen that plat in the shop, in the small village near to where she lived, and then she wanted to give it to me. This is very dimly.

Because the plate and the bowl my grandparents on my father’s side, gave me the following Christmas, were white; and that they underlined that, it can have been talked about that I only sat and looked at the picture on the plate. And that I only looked at the picture, and couldn’t manage to eat. Then this must has been in 1962, probably in the summer.

It can be that my grandparents on my father’s side, understood that I had to stop using that plate with that picture. The picture was about that the large he‐goat butt the troll down in the river, with the two other he‐coats in the background.

I think that my mother’s mother can have talked both to me, and to my mother, about that plate. But I don’t remember anything about that.

My mother’s mother had a very self‐assured manner about this, in contact with me in 1962. She knew best, about what she didn’t knew anything about. And she wouldn’t give in.

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If my mother’s mother had knew about the criminals, then she had talked about how dangerous the criminals are. But she didn’t knew about them.

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It is as the kinds of influences I think my mother’s mother can have been influenced by, work in a way, which others don’t understand and find out about. The influenced people themselves don’t understand and find out about it either. It is without doubt something suspicious with how my mother’s mother behaved in some strange ways. I think it is because of the criminals in one way or another. It seems as if the criminals could have influenced her, but I don’t know. If so, that can have been general systematic influences, done a long time before I first met here, but I don’t know.

Such influences get people to do things they never had waned to do by themselves. That is what the influenced people are influenced to not to be able to understand.

When I see all the bad things, which happen in the world, I think that all these bad things, have been thought out in the criminals’ heads.

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It is important to start to develop oneself more and more out of these influences, by finding out and understanding about this; instead of developing oneself more and more into the influences, by not understanding about this.

May 13, 2017, David H. Hegg